Midterms are over. I couldn’t be more relieved but I fucked up…big time. I choked on my lab exam and my theory exam was NOT what I expected it to be. It’s my own fault. I have not been focused like I should be. I’m constantly seeking out distractions, amusement, etc. I feel………wasted, tired, and weak. Hmmm…
I feel like an empty space in the middle of a big room of bright lights. The lights hurt. I stand regretful and neglectful of my own thoughts and furies. What should I have done? Gone to school in the summer, not dated that one terrible guy, and maybe, possibly stayed in Indianapolis. I’ve lost the ability to focus and I may not ever recover. Maybe I never had it. Or maybe it never repaired itself after last April.