One year later and I’m back to where I’m started. That is to say that I’ve achieved nothing mentally nor physically and I remain undecided about most things. I have the same problems, concerns, time consuming miserable thoughts, and last but not least, the same unforgettable feelings to go along with those unforgettable memories. My mother has been dead over a year and still my life feels as though its been torn apart. I still face the same problems with __. Those may never go away despite what I try.

Then there’s the question “Why do I keep trying?” I guess I’m programmed this way. Its not like me to let a feud remain. It makes me uncomfortable but I guess the main thing that bothers me is the idea that I have to keep trying at all. I was the one betrayed, trashed, and taken advantage of. Yea I think that’s it. yet here I am the sitting fool once again feeling like crap.

So here’s my confession: I wish things could go back to how it used to be. Back when I was happy and comfortable even though I might say that I don’t want that. I do want that. I want my friend back. I want him to apologize for everything he did and realize what a fucking idiot he was. But that won't happen. I'm more realistic these days then what I used to be. With that realisticness comes misery.